‘How did you get in here, Marty?’ said Zac. ‘I locked the door behind me.’
‘I’m not Marty,’ said the sandwich toaster.
This is the fattest book I've ever had published, which I guess isn't surprising as it's three of my other books - Give Peas A Chance, Pizza Cake and Snot Chocolate - all crammed together, plus a brand new story.
You don't need me to tell you how much money you'll save buying all my short stories this way instead of in three separate books. But before your finely-honed bargain-hunting instincts kick in, I should remind you that there are dangers with bumper 559-page volumes like this.
If you've ever had housebricks, lazy cats or other sizeable objects lying around on the floor, you'll know that tripping over them is an ever-present danger. Carelessly stored literary behemoths like this one are no different. I advise wearing knee guards and wrist-braces all the while this book is at your place.
Best if you don't read this book in bed. If you fall asleep mid-sentence, it could easily slip out of your hands and pin you to the mattress. For weeks. It's hard to yell for help with kilos of hilarity sitting on your chest.
If you're like me, the temptation to read just one more short story before fronting up to the dinner table is a hard one to resist. Warning - you shouldn't really go three days without eating.
I'm not trying to put you off the book, but this is a safety-first website, so I'm just saying.
On a brighter note, there is a brand-new story in the collection. The story's called Funny Stories, hence the title of the collection. You might like to read a bit ...
Funny Stories is available in bookshops and libraries in Australia and New Zealand, and online: